I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
