I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
