I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
as a side note pls kill me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
