Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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