Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
