pop tarts are not kleenex
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
