so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
