Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize