so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
