I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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