There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
