I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize