I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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