I think my vagina is haunted
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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