Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
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Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
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It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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