dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
