So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
