Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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