the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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