before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
