I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
