i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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