I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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