So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
