Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
