called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
