I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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