there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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