hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
