she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
