Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
