Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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