Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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