Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
My ATM looks so different sober.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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