dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
