sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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