I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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