she was so not down for the gang bang
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We need to get me chipped asap
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
