I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
