Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
