I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
