My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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