Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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