Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just saw a hot homeless man
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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