I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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