He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
