I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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