so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
