You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
