I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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