listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
