Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
