just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
