apparently the secret to your success is patron
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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