she was so not down for the gang bang
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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