Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize