There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
