hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
