I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
