Someone shit on the floor
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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