I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
