just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
