i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
