How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
