So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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