Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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