I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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