I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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