Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
