the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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