Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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