just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
