I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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