Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
