Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
