i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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