Where are you?
In a non slutty way
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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