Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
