so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
