Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
