Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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