Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
