i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
