And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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