First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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