Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You smell like stripper and shame
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
